Thursday, February 4, 2010

Just A Few Thoughts...

Reading my mom's blog today helped me remember the reasons I started my blog. It's purpose was to put all the details of my pregnancy down somewhere I could look back at, as well as using it as kind of an open diary. I know it's not private, that's why I don't put everything in it, but we're all human and all have issues to deal with eventually. I don't care if people have an open window to my world; it presents the opportunity for others to pray. And prayer is a powerful thing. I want to try to get back to not only putting pictures and updates up of our lives, but what I'm feeling too. My mom spoke a great deal about prayer in her blog, and I'm sure many of her prayers are about our family. In fact, I know they are, because she tells me. I'm blessed enough to have such a great relationship with her that we talk about spiritual things and growth in the Lord quite a bit, something I'm sure many people wish they could do with their parents. I guess you could say she keeps me accountable about things.

Lately Brad and I have had very trying times, especially in our marriage, and especially over the last several months. These times are not over, but are steadily improving. They have certainly tested our marriage. Dealing with certain lingering "stresses" that occurred over the holidays, as well as trying to raise Madison in a godly home and family, all add to experiencing different emotions about suddenly getting pregnant again and have really made things interesting. In no way am I trying to act like I have it together anymore, because I most certainly do not. I'll admit there have been plenty of times where I've cried myself to sleep (more so lately, those darn pregnancy hormones!) We are doing our best to return our home into a happy, healthy Christian home for the sake of our children, but most importantly offering it up to God to let Him do His thing. A pattern occurs when times get tough in marriage, always going back to our relationship with Christ. If we are not doing a decent quiet time/Bible study together every night before bed, things will of course start disintegrating. God is the glue that holds our marriage together. We must love God first then each other. I'm happy to say that it's improving now over the past few days, and I'm very proud of my husband who is growing as a spiritual leader of this family, especially since he's never really had one to model himself after. Men have a huge responsibility when it comes to family life. The most important one is leading your family to grow in Christ and making sure they are worshiping and growing in God with other believers at church each Sunday. Establishing a church family. That is showing love to your family. You have many people to be there and support you during tough times, and even provide for you in times of crisis. These people are there for your kids, too.

I believe we are now back on the right track to things getting better. No, I don't want that to infer that we stopped going to church, because we did not. (Our philosophy is if you can get up 5 times a week for work, then you can get your lazy butt up for God 1 time a week!) It's more of wanting our home life to be the same as our life we reflect to our church family. What we went through several months ago was probably the hardest time in our 6 year relationship ever, but God's grace is always abundant and He shows Himself merciful even through the hardest times. We learned a little bit about each other (and some other people) we had not known or seen before, including some things we hope to never see again. My prayer is that by the time this next baby comes, things will be completely different (for the better) in both our lives and in some of our family's lives. Change is not a bad thing, but it sure does take a lot for us as humans to make it happen.


Katie Reeder said...

Thanks for being so honest and open! Of course, I love all the happy stuff and cute pics -- but it's inspiring, too, to know everyone has ups and downs! I'll be praying for you, as always!

Kathleen said...

Praying for you Erin!!!

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